Keek
Review by Ophelia Bitts

shush I say and listen up
aye I'll tell ye of my keek
it smells so bad, it lasts so long
it truly makes me sick

the haggis does nay help me none
nor the tatties and the neeps
they all combine to bind me up
they leave me feeling weak

oh will nay one here believe me
when I speak about my keek
it's hard, it's black, it's oh so strong
it's been lying there a week

The ranting of a wild man some might say, but wee Jimmy McNackered is receiving high acclaim for his daubings of poetry on public convenience walls across the Hebrides.

Wee Jimmy has lived rough since leaving home at the age of 14 to become a protestant.  Not realising this was a vocation and not a career, the now hairy and bent crippled old man, decided to vent his anguish through the written word.  McKnackered's fame has spread far and wide, even the Getty museum paid $2.3m to have a lavatory wall taken down brick by brick and reassembled in the US.  The Louvre is said to have offered £100k for a piece of his original keek preserved in formaldehyde.