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We're Doomed, Doomed I Tell You.... |
| E-mail: T-N, I am not reassured by your reassurances regarding the comet that may hit Earth. When I saw your comet animation I shat myself, twice. My fiancé is angry at having to scrub my gussets for the second time now. I'm not usually pessimistic but this thing has got me rattled, I don't mind telling you. John.Darkness@paranoid.net.org.uk P.S. Don't let everyone know about the
shitting malarkey, that would be really embarrassing for my girlfriend
Alison Stinkwater, 24 Neville's Place, Cockermouth |
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Reply from Health Editor Gloria Buttocks MD |
| Dear John, The site the comet link takes you to has more information regarding this. In fact had you bothered to scroll down the page you could have read the update on the comet's chances of striking home. Recommendation: Consult a doctor about your squits, doesn't seem natural to us at the office. Secondly, regarding your P.S., read the small print regarding the Letters page, it clearly states we publish everything - Link. |
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What a Complete Muppet |
| E-mail: Dear T-N, I can't believe that John Darkness said those things about his girlfriend scrubbing his shitty gussets, what a muppet, bet she's not his girlfriend for long hey! Even dork's know that if you shit yourself you get your mother to wash them, that's what they are there for - that and for paying the broadband bills and scraping my bed sheets. Lord_Slayer_Of_Neptune@PureFantacists.com |
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Reply from Letters Page Editor Julie Turndyke |
| Dear Slayer, Yes we all had a good chuckle at that one. However, you may have out done him yourself. What do you think readers? Send your vote to: The Unbelievable Wally of the Week
Award Who is the bigger tosspot:- John Darkness - Shitty Pants Results in so far
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Muppet |
| Phone (transcript follows): T-N, I think your voting system is rigged towards John Darkness, I just voted for Lord Slayer and the percentage stayed the same? How can anyone vote for a shitty pants, that's what I want to know! Prince Phillip |
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Reply from Letters Page Editor Julie Turndyke |
| Your Royal Highness, It just so happens that at the time you voted for Lord Slayer (an old hunting chum of yours), three other people voted for Shitty Pants, I mean John Darkness - thus the Status Quo is maintained. The main reason for people voting for
someone who openly admits to soiling himself is empathy. We've all
been there, too much food, excess of alcohol, under the weather, a dodgy
curry, finding out you are about to become father-in-law to Fergie etc.
etc. |
