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Global
Warming to Affect
Drinking Patterns |
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 The hot ice effect yesterday |
Environmentalists the world over were shocked
to hear of the latest revelations on global warming. It is envisaged
that by 2045 that all cooling devices will be outlawed in an effort to
prevent their by products raising global warming further. Sir Rascal Green of the European Environmental Agency, said earlier this week that, by as early as 2025, most of us will be drinking hot cocktails made with fire ice, which uses 85% less global warming products in its manufacture. |
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Professor Crank of the Michigan Environmental
New Technology and Air Laboratories (MENTAL), says the technology exists already to reduce
coolant by-product emissions by 50%, however the resultant mauve and pink
ice cube is not seen as marketable, except in say, San Francisco. At Kew gardens in England experts there are looking at plants to provide a solution to this problem. Curator and botanist Perry Winkle had this to say: "In my estimation we would require half a $1bn to carry forward research to produce plants that would provide an instant cooling effect when immersed in liquor, alcohol, or Jesus juice. We have already commenced trials on the Julep and are looking to modify its cellular structure. We think we may be able to enlarge the cells so they resemble sacs that would produce and hold sufficient coolant gas to reduce the temperature of a known liquid by as much as 15oC". In Osaka, Japanese scientists are working on a different angle, they believe they can trigger an Eastern Pole to rival both North and South, and hence help in cooling the planet and providing a plentiful supply of normal, or the fabled 'blue' ice cube. Professor Itchi Crotch of Osaka Observatory and Palaeontology Scientifica (OOPS) denied this would put the Earth out of Balance affecting its rotation, and in any case we could just create a mountain of shit in the West to maintain equilibrium. |
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