The Met Office boffins now say we may get some wintry showers. One tosspot there was quoted as saying "If it snows then it might be cold, oh yes, and possibly slippery. On the other hand it may not be, but that's all I'm prepared to commit to at the moment. Ask me again in 10 minutes when I've finished me cocoa".

A Government Transport departmental spokesperson was caught completely unaware because he had not looked out of the window. He explained, "It's a funny thing but after I've had my tea and Hob Nobs, done the Times crossword, been for a Brad Pitt, polished my shoes, tore up my Sudoku in rage etc.. It's then that I usually have a butchers out the window before issuing the green light for the gritters".

Unfortunately I was interrupted from my normal routine because some work had come in - I know, what are the chances? Anyways, after taking delivery of the paper clips, counting them individually, allotting them to the typist pool, it was time for lunch. Three hours and seven courses later I was in need of a lie down and thought I'd catch a crafty one for half an hour. To cut a long story short, I overslept and was trudging through the snow towards Harrods when it hit me - I forgot about the bloody gritters! Still, tomorrow's another day and thank the Lord I don't have a car.